A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud "I wonder what happened to it?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot." Holy shit," the guy replies. "You understood and answered me" "I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird." "Oh yeah?” the guy asks, "Then, answer this, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing, but I wrap my 'Willie' around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers. The guy thinks the parrot is sensational and takes it home with him.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Pssst" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman." "What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightgown and kissed him passionately." "What?" the guy asks incredulously. "Then what happened?" "Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightgown and began petting her,” reported the parrot. "My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?" "Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down." "Well?!" demands the frantic guy, "Then what happened?" "Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."